can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
