Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize