Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
