i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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