He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
