Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Less talking, more tequila
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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