Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
