she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
