I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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