Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
