Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
