sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is the high leading the old right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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