I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
