Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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