So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
