Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
