every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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