god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize