I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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