Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
