Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
