i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
