We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
