I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
