I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
