"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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