if only i could text you this smell
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
