I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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