just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
