My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pants are for mortals
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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