My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
