is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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