You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
