Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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