i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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