Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
