I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
