ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
