You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
