i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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