I just saw a hot homeless man
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
