Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
