dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
