I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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