fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
