it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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