I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im part way to drunk.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
