U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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