you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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