Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
