i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
