Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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