You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
