dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
