I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
