Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
