i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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