my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
