I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize