i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
