Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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