Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
