I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
