the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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