does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
