It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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