He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
