i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
