woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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