Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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