So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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