I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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