I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
