4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
