You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
