I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it glows. i had to have it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's blow job season.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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