I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
